For those of you who were unable to attend for various reasons, I thought I would post this here... Feel free to add screenshots.
THE WEDDING SCRIPTDearly beloved; friends, family, mods, and yes--you people just walking through to turn in snakeskin quests...
We are gathered here today, under the light of Gamer, to celebrate the union of anrew the 18th and Aridosa of the Dosa clan.
First off, the highly celebrated couple would like to thank all of you for your attendance and your inevitably awesome gifts...
(Which you might have noticed sitting on that decadent table towards the back of the room). #shwag
Anyways, let me hit you with a brief disclaimer: I was given the distinct honor of performing this ceremony...
A task that I might not have been fully prepared to perform...
So, in an effort to better accustom myself with--well I guess you could say, common wedding practices.
I attended several weddings over the course of the last month.
Needless to say... *cough*
After, several alimony payments later, I feel that I have a pretty good grasp on the proper procedure for wedding ceremonies.
The first thing that I noticed is that they always start with some religious text.
But I didn't think that it would be entirely appropriate to throw that out there.
(Given the non-denominational nature or our glorious New Crab Church).
Therefore, I went on a rigorous and taxing spiritual journey and penned a new holy book, which we will call the Bible of Narc.
So, in the spirit of non-denomationalism (which spellcheck has assured me is not a word), we shall read from the Book of Seal.
Passage 2:46.
"There is so much a man can tell you; so much he can say...
You remain: My Power. My Pleasure. My Pain.
...
To me you're like a grown addiction that I can't deny, and won't you tell me is that healthy, babe.
But did you know, that when it snows?
My eyes become large, and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baaaayyybeee, I compare ya to a kiss from a rose on the grey
OooOoOoo, the more I getta you, the stranger it feels; yeahhhya
Now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey."
*ahem*
Book of Seal, 2:46.
Alright, now that we've covered the religious aspect of the ceremony, I've observed that self-written vows are in order in this type of situation.
So, Aridosa... I believe you have some vows prepared?
***
Ari: I Aridosa take you Anrew to be my lawfully wedded husband in this realm. Before all the witnesses of FO
and under the eyes of Gamer, I vow to love and care for you,
through low mana and low health,
In Guild Wars and Purges,
Let no Mage Warrior or Tank come between us,
This is my sacred vow before Gamer
***
And anrew...?
anrew: Uhh, yeah, ditto...
***
Uhhh, well alright...
I feel that it should be customary to talk about fidelity, and to death do us-a-partatry here...
Buuuut, like, the reception looks bomb dot com (open bar).
Sooooo: I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE!!! YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE!!!
***
ARI: Narc...
***
Uhhgg! Sorries! Does anyone have the ring...?
...
...
Oh, uh, it's been brought to my attention that the rings are on lock-down in the Brokerage House...
Who, on a personal note, I must say was a very unfortunate candidate to be ring bearer.
So, in leu of a ring exchange, how about we go back to the "Saying Something Nice" part that we touched upon before...
It is a rare thing when two people--who so perfectly compliment one another--can connect.
And it's even more rare when they can make it last...
I mean, I remember the first time that I met--wait, that's the type of thing you say during best man speeches...
Ummmm.
So, without further ado, I now pronounce you man and wife...
You may now make out in front of us while we throw rice at you.